Liam growing

Liam is 5 weeks and 2 days today.  I'm not sure what his weight is as the health visitor is only weighing him next week, but I can feel he has grown quite a bit and is heavier!  He was weighed at 3 weeks and weighed 10.3 lbs / 4.6 kg.

I also notice his neck being very strong and he looks around, holding his neck up and moving it around.  He's eyes also followed me to the kitchen this morning and he started to smile at us!  He is such an adorable boy!!
At times he straightens his legs and pushes himself up, with me holding him underneath his arms, of course!  Thus far then, a strong neck and pair of legs!

Getting better

Well, Liam and I surely have had our fair share of illnesses after the trauma at with birth which I reckon have actually caused our immune systems to be a little less effective than it should be!  During pregnancy we were both extremely healthy and never had a days worry. I might have had the odd cold, but it was all better with paracetamol, which is the only allowed medicine when you're pregnant. The only time during my pregnancy that I felt horrid was the first trimester - I was sick the entire day and totally lost my appetite, which in turn cause me to be energy-less... but that is all normal and no cause for concern.

Let's see... First it was Liam with the elevated infection count in his blood while we were in hospital, then it was me with serous baby blues (even borderline post natal depression), then it was Liam's oral thrush with thrush on my nipples as I am breastfeeding... then I got a uterus infection... and then Liam had a blocked eye duct with yellowy discharge from his eye.

The baby blues hit me quite bad and there were a few days where I could do nothing but just sit and feed Liam when I needed to.  That was nothing like me at all!  I'm normally a happy, positive person and with the whole ordeal felt I lost myself somewhere.  It was hard on Gavin, as well!  He had to jump in and do EVERYTHING else!  But what a wonderful husband I do have!  He did all of it without complaining or blaming!  Looking back now (I am much better now!  :) ), I remember the tortured look he had.  It was exceptionally difficult for him to deal with my problems and the tremendous life change that a newborn baby brings.

I think what helped me turn around the baby blues was the structured routine that I started to follow to some degree.  I read the 'Secrets of the baby Whisperer' book and used it as a guideline.  I started a 3 hour cycle instead of feeding every 2 hours (which was exhausting).  First feed, then activity (changing nappy, playing and talking to Liam) then sleep time.  He did not sleep long sprints initially and woke up every 20 minutes or so during the day.  I then had to check to see if I can see anything wrong and calm him down so that he could sleep some more.  I also played 'Mozart for Toddlers' music that my friend Anneliese gave me as a present and the calming music did wonders for both me and Liam!  Thanks Anneliese!!!  During the night I would change nappy first and then feed and put him back in his moses basket - all in dim lighting and talking softly or not at all.  That helped during the evenings as it took quicker to settle him and therefore a little more sleep for me!

We also had the 'listening service' from the hospital come to us to discuss the trauma we experience at the hospital.  I found that I had built-up anger towards the doctor that was so ignorant that she could only look at one symptom and ignored the rest.  She also was unable to hear what Gavin and I was trying to communicate to her and sounded like a broken record... 'you only 3 cm dilated and technically not in labour'.  It felt good to verbalise it.  Gavin also verbalised a lot of his built-up frustration and I think it did help him, but he has actually gone through more than me as I was passed out a lot of the time and he was awake through it all!  We are due to see the matron at the hospital on Friday, so hopefully he will be able to overcome his built-up emotions as well by talking through it again.

For the thrush and infection we had to go to the doctor who prescribed medicine.... With the infection Liam and I had a bad day one day as I was too much in pain to console him and him, being as sensitive as he is, was crying as I am not calm... so the boomerang resulted in both of us crying the entire day!  At least it was only one day!  The infection is now almost healed and I am feeling myself again... I even dance with Liam in my arms to the music.  He does seem to like it!

I believe from now on out our family will only grow healthier and all illnesses will stay away from us!!  I mean, enough is enough!!

Bathing Liam

Our little boy does not seem to like bathing that much!  Or shall I say, he likes the water, he just hates getting out and being towelled dry!  We only started bathing him after he was 10 days old and also not yet everyday.  We started with him in his small bath, but it's quite difficult to hold him and his bottom keeps slipping which seem to scare him.  In the big bath we have a bath chair for him to sit in where he felt more comfortable, but he screamed blue murder when we pick him out of the bath!  Also it's quite hard on our backs bending over like that.  One time I try to bath with him, which went well, except that I had to shower afterwards as he did a big poo in the bath!! :)  Gavin braved the bath with him the next time... of course Liam did nothing in the bath then! 

The evening bath routine just stressed us all out in the end as Liam took ages to calm down afterwards.  I decided to switch to morning bath routines (well, every second morning) where I bath with him, but instead of picking him out of the bath, I, while in the bath, bring him towards me and hold him to my chest while I get out of the bath.  Bit tricky to stand up, but it seems to stress him out much less.  I'll try that for a few weeks and see how it goes.  So far so good!

Baby Sensory at the SureStart play centre

Liam weighed in at 6.1kg/13.7lbs when he was weighed at 6 weeks of age... that is at the 98th percentile!! The little boy ain't so little, but he is definitely adorable and is showing signs of his fun-loving personality! We went to a baby sensory class today with friends from the antenatal NCT (national childbirth trust)class we did before Liam's birth. At the baby sensory class there were cooked pasta, warm snow... hmmm I still wonder about that one... bubbles, paint and lots of other messy stuff. Lots of the kids (mostly under 1) were having fun playing. I tried to give Liam the cooked pasta to feel but he was more interested in checking Isla out (Isla was due a day before Liam)! Then he was checking Zoe out and gave her lots of smiles (Isla's mum)... Yes, my boy, get the mum to like you first before dating the daughter... good tactic! He later was happily checking all the other baby girls!
Then the dreaded bowel movements started and he even got red in the face as he was pushing it out... And out... And out... So much out that it went out his nappy onto my pants where he was sitting on my leg! :) As everyone was packing up, I had to do a nappy change, of course, but Liam was very unimpressed with me... I mean mum, did you have to embarres me like that and do it in front of those I'm trying to impress?! That afternoon Liam slept for many hours and even missed a feed, so exhausted was he from the outing, but all in all he was one happy boy today!!!

Listening Service

Well, at last we were able to get some peace of mind from the trauma we experienced while giving birth to Liam! The hosital has what they call a 'Listening Service'. It's a number you phone and then a midwife come and see you and talk through your birth experience. She comes armed with the notes file and after listening to our experience she spoke us through all the written notes. That did go a long way to help with the inner healing process. She also referred us to the Matron and we went to see her at the hosital. The matron clarified some things further for us and also explained that they rated my condition as 'amber' which means that Liam was to be delivered within an hour and a half. If they believed my condition was life threatening, they would've rated me as red and Liam would've been delivered via general anaesthetic within an half hour. This knowledge seem to put Gav's mind at ease. I think we can finally put the trauma during birth behind us now and move forward!

Consoling the inconsolable baby

The next few days became increasingly stressful - at the start my body was still pumped full of hormones so I didn't realise how tired I was yet.  I just continued the feeding, nappy changing, burping, routine without any signs of wearing down.  Even Gavin seems to have loads of energy and excitement with the little bundle of love in the beginning. 

At the start Liam slept most of the day but the nights became more difficult.  Around 00:00 he will start crying and nothing we do can console him.  This is the most heartbreaking feeling - an inconsolable baby!  All sorts of questions then start popping into one's head - should one use a pacifier?  How do you know what the right temperature is for your baby and how much clothes / blankets to put on?  What is cot death and how do you avoid it? - yes I was still checking during the night when Liam was sleeping that he was still breathing! There is no one simple answer to these questions and every question seem to spark several different answers. 

Some say the pacifier prevents cot death - I can't help to wonder how they can with certainty say what prevents it if they haven't really established what causes it.  Some mums say that they used a pacifier with one child but not with the other and that they will not use it again as it creates a dependency and the baby struggles to learn how to fall asleep without it, causing problems later.  Some say it's a blessing to use a pacifier as it gives you some peace.  With Liam we did try a few evenings to give him a pacifier, but he never seem to take to it and kept on spitting it out.  We used our pinkie fingers instead (nail towards the tongue) for him to suck on to console the worst part of the cry and to get him to a more calm state.  That works to some extent but not always.  I found the book 'The secrets of the Baby Whisperer' to be quite helpful in understanding the different cries and a book called 'Baby Sense' to understand the sensory input that the little ones receive.

In the end we try to find the reason why he is upset and treat the cause - again, a VERY difficult process of illumination - mostly his tummy was the problem and we think he had lots of cramps - so lots of burping, softly jumping up and down, rubbing his back, etc.  In the beginning the room was definitely too warm and he was overheating - we struggled a bit but later go the room temperature to just over 21 degrees Celsius and then have him in a long sleeve sleep suite and under one blanket.  Later his nose became blocked and he struggled to breath - rightly or wrongly we used a saline solution for his nose and put a drop or two of Karvol at the top end of his moses basket.  Other times he was crying because he spit up and his clothes became wet (he doesn't like wet clothes against his skin at all!), sometimes it's because the person holding him is upset/frustrated - they are soooo sensitive to one's mood / heart rate!  Liam become quite upset quite quickly when one of us were upset, which is extremely difficult to control when you are tired and just want to sleep! Sometimes it helped to switch from me to Gavin or vica versa as the one is more calm than the other at that point in time and then Liam calms down, other times it's just impossible as both of us as we became so knackered!  I'm sure there are a million other reasons causing them to get upset, but we try to deal with it one reason at a time!  We're just taking this one day by day and hopefully he will be sleeping through the night soon enough!!  Pretty please, let that be soon!!

Going home from hospital!

The Friday morning, after a successful night of breastfeeding without assistance from the midwives, I was informed that I may be going home that afternoon around 15:00.  I was soo excited and yet nervous!  I knew that I was able to change Liam's nappy and feed him quite comfortable at home and I didn't have to worry about washing linen, preparing food or even remembering to drink my pills, as this is all done for you at hospital.  Will I be able to cope at home?  Yet, it would be good to sleep next to my husband, Gavin, again - I do miss him when he is not around!  The anxiety kept on building as the midwives just didn't seem to get around to completing all the forms necessary to enable me to go home... At around 16:00 Gavin started asking when the check-out will be done... we're all packed and ready to go!  Gavin kept asking until eventually, at 19:00 we walked out the hospital with Liam in his car seat.
It was a weird experience as we were very conscious that every sound, the wind, the fresh air, everything are all new sensations to Liam and we walked carefully not to overwhelm him.  In the car we felt that we wanted a metal frame all around the car to protect Liam from all the other cars that seem to be driving so fast.... it never bugged us before, but now everything is different and we have this precious gift that we need to look after.
At home the settling in was far easier than I imagined and it felt extremely good to be home!!  We did the feeds and nappy changes at regular intervals during the night and even Liam seem to settle in easy the first night!

The Pediatrition and Liam's infection count

The Thursday (Liam two days old) Gavin and I got worried that Liam wasn't passing urine.  His little willy also looked a bit swollen and infected.  We mentioned this to one of the midwives who then called for a pediatrician.  That kicked-started a whole new set of worries....

The pediatrician came and was immediately concerned about the fact that nobody told her that I had a high fever during labour.  She was the one that checked him immediately after he was born and apparently if the mother has a high fever during labour, the newborn gets an antibiotics injection to protect them against infections.  We explained what happened during the labour and I could see the emotion in her expression... later she admitted that she had the same experience 4 years ago and it still troubles her. 

She checked his willy and also thought it looked a bit infected.  Blood needed to be drawn... shame two days old and we are already sticking needles into him!  The blood results came back the afternoon and showed that his infection count is higher than what it should be... now the worries began again and close monitoring of

 Liam and how he is doing.  Midwives came through the night, as they were instructed, to take his temprature to ensure it stays within the normal range... which it did.  In the morning another needle prick and more blood was taken to test his infection count again.... This time it was lower but not within the parameters the hospital is comfortable with.  We then had the choice to either give him antibiotics or not... a choice we wouldn't have had if they knew at the time of his birth that I had a fever during labour.  After much deliberation we decided that we will do bloodworks the next morning and if there is no improvement go for the antibiotics root.  We didn't want to give Liam antibiotics unless absolutely necessary.  The next morning bloodworks were again taken... now he has pricks in both hands and one foot... the results showed that the infection count in his blood declined again.  We were all comfortable that his body is fighting off the infection and he had a big wee in the meantime, so no antibiotics were prescribed, thank goodness!

Moving to the amenity room & breastfeeding

Gavin and I asked that I be moved to what they term, an amenity room.  This is essentially a private room with a private toilet.  An additional amount of £130 is payable per night but it is well worth it!  I suppose it depends on what type of person one is, but Gavin and I both like quiet, calm environments which the amenity room offered us to some degree.  Gavin was allowed to visit from 09:00 to 22:00 and it was good to be able to share the experience of our newborn in privacy.
The evenings there I still struggled to sleep - apparently a woman's hormones keeps one awake to fight of predators that might attack during the night, or so they say.  I saw 1:30 and 14:00 in the mornings and I think I was eventually able to sleep about 4 hours each evening.  When I did sleep though, I got terrible, evil-type dreams and wasn't restful at all.  Liam on the other hand was fairly quiet and still needed to be woken up for feeds.  He did seem to also have these 'screams' while he was sleeping, which scared me quite a bit!
With breastfeeding I was really struggling - as he was such a sleepy baby, waking him up and getting him to latch, etc just didn't come easy.  It is a skill one needs to aquire and it didn't come naturally, well, not to me at least.
Different midwifes had different methods to wake him up and getting him to latch on.  Almost all of them would just pop him on my breast to feed and didn't teach me how to do it.  The worst for me was the one midwife that roughly stripped him naked and talked to him in a stern, scolding voice.  You could see that really traumatised Liam... it even traumatised me!  Other midwifes will tickle his feet and hand, and use calmer tones.  This was still effective and far less traumatising... but all latched him on for me!
Well, needless to say, some midwives got a little irritated with me that I would ring the bell for assistance every time I need to feed him.  Some said that I can just go to the reception desk to ask and don't always need to ring the bell... well the times I did this, help was even less forthcoming!  I do understand that they are understaffed, but I am a clueless new mother and they are the only ones that are in a position to help me.
The next evening Gavin and I was so desperate and Gavin pleaded with the one midwife to please spend time with me and show me how to hold him and latch him on myself instead of just popping him on to feed and rush out the room.  A midwife named Kate who happen to be a Lactation consultant was on duty and took pity on us.  She spent about an half hour, showed me what positions works for my body and how to hold Liam.  The next feed she spent about 15 minutes to show me on the other side how to hold him... that's all it took and from there on I managed to take leaps forward and do it myself!  Good thing though, as being able to breastfeed is a prerequisite before they allow you to check out!

The ceasarian recovery ward

The Tuesday evening - first evening after the c-section - was quite restless even though I was exhausted from not sleeping the night before.  I was place in the C-section recovery ward which has 6 beds and 6 cribs.  The Royal Surrey County Hospital was very busy and all beds were occupied.  As I still had a catheter in and was unable to move, the midwives on duty were looking after Liam, changing nappy, etc.  Feeding times they would come to me and put him on my breast to feed. I was in a ward with 5 other women and babies.  Two of these babies cried the entire night non-stop making it very difficult to sleep.  Two o'clock in the morning, two of the ladies - one beside me and one across from her - starting having a conversation out loud with one another.  As you can imagine, I was quite unimpressed as I was in dire need of some rest after the ordeal Gavin, myself and Liam went through.

Liam, on the other hand, just seem to sleep through it all!  He was in a see-through cot beside my bed, except when the midwife took him to change his nappy.  It was amazing and terrifying, all at the same time to watch him sleep like that.  Liam and I also had lots of skin-to-skin contact and it felt amazing to have this little body cuddle up against yours.  So innocent, so helpless and so utterly reliant on you.

The next day my catheter was removed and I was allowed to shower!  Oh was that an awesome experience!  The first steps I took my legs did feel very wobbly but Gavin was there every step of the way to make sure I have someone to hold on to should I need some stability.  One of the midwives were kind enough to look after Liam while I had this refreshing shower!  I may even say that that was the best shower I've had in my life!

The Induction

Every first-time pregnant woman wonders what the birthing experience will be like.  One is nervous and excited all at the same time.  My husband and I spoke several times on how we would like to plan the birth, what our options are, our dislikes and likes.  We thought that we would go for a water birth, bought scented candles, the works in preparation for this.  Things, however, don't always go as planned...

On Monday, the 20th of September 2010 at 7:40 in the morning, my darling husband Gavin and I set off to the Hospital in England so that our baby boy can be born using the induction method. Our baby boy was 1 week and 5 days over the defined due date and it was advised by my consulting doctor to book for induction at this time. 

They gave me the 'insertion' type of induction and nothing really happened by 11:00 when I told Gavin to go to work as there is no point in both of us just sitting around waiting for '1 to 3' days (the length of time it can take as we were informed) if there is no real reason for him to be there.  The reasoning was that we'd rather save his leave to be with us after our baby boy's arrival.   All went well until about 13:30 when excruciating pain started kicking in, which I would imagine was contractions.  It is a pain that one cannot describe.  Just after 14:00 Gavin sent me a mobile text to ask how I was doing and if I would like him to come back, I replied that I would love him back.  He arrived back around 16:00 where the pain somewhat subsided as the 'insertion' fell out around 12:00 and the chemical was somewhat worn off.  Gavin arranged for them to replace the 'insertion' type so that the process of induction that the doctors advised can continue.  I asked for Gas and Air pain relief and the midwife said she will fetch the mobile unit they have... we asked later again, same answer, but the Gas and Air never arrived.  All along these stages I was only 1.5 cm dilated and couldn't be moved to the labour unit as one needs to be 4 cm dilated before going there.  At 4cm only is one in 'labour' according to them.

Again the excruciating pain kicked in and the only pain relief they could offer in the antenatal ward was pethidine... I didn't want to take pethidine as I was unsure of the effects being drugged like that, but the pain was too overwhelming and I gave in and took it.  With pethidine, I was unable to really move but still had the sensation of pain, but I suppose it made it more tolerable.  Once the pethidine wore off, I was screaming blue murder again as it felt like my bones were being pulled apart.

All this continued until 21:00 in the evening when I was eventually 3 cm dilated and they were probably tired of my screaming by this time.  I went into the labour ward, first thing took the gas and air while they were preparing the mobile epidural, which was a real relief for me at the time.  Once the mobile epidural kicked in it was bliss!!  I could sit up, crack jokes with Gavin and the midwife, Katie who was looking after me.  There was a student nurse as well, who together with Katie sat in the room monitoring me.  Now they switched over to a different induction method that I got through a drip which continued the entire time.  Throughout the night all was calm.  Poor Gavin had to sleep on the floor next to my bed!  I'm not sure how much sleep he did get, though.  I got a bit dehydrated and they gave me another drip with fluids.

At 10:00 am the Tuesday morning things started to go wrong.  I was still only 3 cm dilated.  Gavin and I asked for an elective C-section as it was clear to us that things were starting to go downhill as I was becoming more and more weak.  The doctor on duty came and kept being stuck on the fact that I'm only 3 cm dilated and therefor not technically in labour she wanted to keep me on the induction drip for another 4 hours.  She ignored all other systems. Gavin was insisted that we wanted an elective C-section, I was the one that compromised and said that we'll do it for another 2 hours and if there is still no change in the dilation, I want to go for a C-section.  The 2 hours passed and at 12:00 pm I was still only 3 cm dilated and this time Katie said that it felt like Liam's head was starting to get swollen.  When the doctor came she again ignored all symptoms, was stuck on the 3 cm dilation and wanted to induce me for a further 4 hours as there is no medical reason for a c-section, according to her.  By this time I was extremely weak but remembered thinking that I wanted to hit the women through the face for being so narrow minded.  Gavin was livid but tried to stay calm for my sake.  Nothing we said or did helped as she left and no C-section was being arranged.

At 14:00 my body went into 'system shut-down' mode.  My blood pressure shot up, I had a fever all while I had cold shivers.  I was also turning blue.  At this point Katie stormed out to fetch another doctor.  The doctor came to check, lifted my urine bag from the catheter and noticed it was a brown colour.  I remember thinking this is my last moments, I'm dying.  Later speaking to Gavin he was thinking he would have to chose between me and Liam and also thought it was the end.

Things started moving fast.  They got the theater ready and started to prepare me for theater.  They stopped with the mobile epidural top-up and I started feeling the excruciating contraction pains again.  I used the gas and air, but this time it wasn't as effective.  Being weak, I think I might have mistimed it - gas and air only kicks in 20 seconds after taking it and only for a little while, so it's meant to just take the top-end contraction pain away.  There was some confusion with Katie giving me antibiotics and the doctor also wanting to give me antibiotics in the theater.  At least I overheard this and could say (or mumble rather) to the doctor that I already got antibiotics that Katie gave me.  I sensed the slight irritation from the doctor that I received antibiotics without her knowing it.

In the theater they first tried to try the mobile epidural top-up to numb me for the Cesarean.  I could still feel the prick, so the narcotics doctor asked me if I want to go spinal block or try another top-up of the epidural.  I asked for the spinal block.  Unfortunately it did not seem to work fully as it was still quite painful for me when they started pushing and pulling to get Liam out.  Liam's head was stuck in my pelvis - there was no way that I would've been able to give birth to him naturally.  Thankfully I did not feel any pain when the made the incisions.  I remember the expression in the midwives and nurses faces when, after I got stitched up, I could lift both my legs high up in the air.  I gathered that I was not suppose to be able to do that with a spinal block!

Gavin and I were both teary eyed when we got to hold him... there was one more shock left for us and that was the blood that shot out from me over the cover and landed on Gavin while he was holding Liam.  They never explained what the reason of this was, but it still haunts Gavin a bit.

That was the trauma we went through, but the joy is that our son, Liam Bruce Stephens was born on 21 September 2010 at 15:10 weighing a healthy 4.55kg / 10.1 pounds.  Liam is shortened from William, Gavin's dad's name and Bruce is Gavin middle name as well as his grandfather's name.  So we gave him family names!  He is a gorgeous boy and we are very blessed!